Best Chuck Norris Jokes
The roundhouse-kicking Ck Norris is among those celebrities who are known for their tough-guy personality. His reputation has given birth to funny jokes, which some people refer to as Chuck Norris’s facts humorously. These Chuck Norris jokes are so widely popular that the internet is piled with such content. These Chuck Norris jokes emerged after Vin Diesel jokes’ popularity, which gained it’s popularity as Vin Diesel facts. After the success of the Vin Diesel facts page, Chuck Norris facts started getting popular.
So we have brought some of the very latest, refreshing, and best Chuck Norris jokes, which we hope you will love to read it. If you also have some interesting and funny Chuck Norris jokes, you can also submit your joke. We will be happy to post those Chuck Norris jokes on our website. Have a look at these mind-blowing jokes, or instead, you can call facts of Chuck Norris.
1. Once Chuck Norris’s leg fell on banana skin and the earth slipped from below.
2. Chuck Norris : Oh hen! Lay 3 eggs…
But the hen gave only one egg.
Chuck Norris :Why did you lay only one egg. Aren’t you scared of me?
Hen: I m scared of you that is why I have given one egg otherwise I am a cock.
3. Michael Jordan: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours.
Chuck Norris : How do you think the earth spin.
4. Chuck Norris had a fight with God and see now God is in heaven.
5. Ghosts gossip around that do Chuck Norris exist.
6. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
7. The Bermuda triangle used to be the Bermuda square, until Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off.
8. Chuck Norris once got into a knife – fight. The knife lost.
9. Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.
10. Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear.
11. If u spell Chuck Norris wrong on google it doesn’t say, “Did u mean Chuck Norris?”
It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
12. CHUCK NORRIS doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Chuck Norris .
13. The only substance that can cut diamonds is a blade encrusted with shavings from Chuck Norris’s beard.
14. Man: Chuck Norris , total how many jokes are made on you?
CHUCK NORRIS : Only 2-3 jokes
Man: 2-3 jokes?
CN: Rest all are facts.
15. CHUCK NORRIS once kicked a man. It was later discovered he was the first man on the moon.
16. Chuck Norris’s pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
17. CHUCK NORRIS can make a happy meal cry.
18. What color is Chuck Norris’s blood?
He never bleeds.
19. The ice age ended when CHUCK NORRIS lost his cool.
20. Once a farmer put Chuck Norris’s picture as a scarecrow in his field,
Guess what … the birds even brought back the grain they lost last year.
21. The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Chuck Norris .
22. Why did Superman and Batman visit Chuck Norris? Because it was Teacher’s day.
23. Once CHUCK NORRIS participated in Bike Race…
Don’t even try to guess what happened…
He won the race on neutral gear…!!
24. CHUCK NORRIS once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
25. Chuck Norris’s every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.
26. Why ‘EARTHQUAKE’ OCCURS ON EARTH??? BCOZ at that Time Chuck Norris MOBILE IS ON VIBRATE MODE!!!
27. CHUCK NORRIS can make calls from his iPod to his iPad…!!!
28. Chuck Norris was practicing for spelling test. The rough sheet he used is today known as the Oxford dictionary!!
29. Chuck Norris opened his refrigerator and forgot to shut the door. Winters arrive in USA!
30. Once upon a time dinosaurs borrowed money from CHUCK NORRIS and didn’t pay him back. That was the last day when anyone saw Dinosaurs.
31. Chuck Norris joined Crime Branch. Guess what happened?? Chuck Norris found the criminal before the crime.
32. Chuck Norris’s mom- Son! This solar heater is not heating the water, please do something.
Chuck Norris: Just wait mom, I will adjust the sun.
33. Words like awesomeness, brilliance, legendary etc. were added to the dictionary in the year 1940. That was the year Chuck Norris was born.
34. Chuck Norris sneezed only once in his entire life, that’s when the tsunami occurred in the Indian Ocean.
35. WORLD famous SUPER HEROES like Heman, Superman, Spiderman, Batman etc. get there coaching on CHUCK NORRIS home.
36. Chuck Norris can run bicycle without tiers at the speed of 10000 km/millisecond.
37. Once press ask Chuck Norris: Sir! you don’t felt angry when u read jokes about you…
Chuck Norris smile and replied: Do you think they are jokes….
38. What does GOD exclaim when he is shocked? Oh my Chuck Norris!!
39. Recently, China airports were closed due to heavy fog. Later it was discovered that Chuck Norris was having hookah in India.
40. Once Chuck Norris was playing cricket in monsoon. Rain stopped due to play.
41. Chuck Norris can give pain to Painkillers and headache to Anacin.
42. When Chuck Norris stares at the sun in anger, the sun hides behind the moon and this phenomenon is knows as a Solar Eclipse!
43. Chuck Norris does not install an anti-virus on his PC. All computer virus are looking for an Anti-Chuck Norris software to save themselves from hands of Chuck Norris.
44. Once Chuck Norris got so excited and he yelled loudly “Yaaaahoo”. Now it is known as Yahoo.com
45. This message is being sent by Chuck Norris in the interest of humanity. Stop forwarding jokes on me, otherwise I will delete your `forward` option.
46. Once Chuck Norris threw an ignited cigarette up in the sky. It fell on a planet, which is now known as `SUN`.
47. Headlines of Today: A train hit a bicycle. This caused derailment of train. Cyclist, Chuck Norris has run away!
48. I don`t fear exams now because at the beginning of every answer. I shall write: `According to Chuck Norris.’
49. The ultimate and the Chuck Norris award goes to `OSCAR`!
50. CHUCK NORRIS purchased a 40×40 acre land with 4 wells at each corner of that square site.
Simple. TO PLAY CARROM….
51. When Chuck Norris is Driving Car on the road, all signal’s on road get automatic Green for him, and Red for all other’s.
52. Once CHUCK NORRIS kicked a ball and now that ball is known as Pluto.
53. Chuck Norris is the person in the world who can make his girlfriend admit her mistake!
54. Chuck Norris went to the world cooking championship…of course Chuck Norris won.
But guess, what did he make in final??? A desert with red chilli.
55. This 1 is ultimate
Roger Federer: I know everything about tennis. Ask me anything and I will answer
Chuck Norris: How many holes are there in the net ? Chuck Norris rocks!!!
56. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
57. Chuck Norris can answer a missed call.
58. If Chuck Norris’s PC hangs. It’s time for next Windows release.
59. People update status via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, etc. Chuck Norris updates status via Calculator.
60. Once Chuck Norris was standing on the balcony with a coin in his hand. The coin slipped from his hand and fell down. Chuck Norris on reaching the ground was searching for the coin but he couldn’t find it..
Because he reached the ground before the coin did.
61. My computer does not need a UPS during power cuts because I have Chuck Norris ’s picture as my desktop background.
62. Chuck Norris can draw a straight line with a compass!
63. Chuck Norris participated in 100 m race, obviously he came first, but Einstein died watching that, since Light came second!!
64. Intel’s new ad: “Chuck Norris Inside”
65. When Chuck Norris was a Student……..Teachers use to bunk the classes!!!
66. Chuck Norris was shot today…Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow…
67. Chuck Norris once killed 20 men just by saying “BANG”
68. Chuck Norris purchased a road roller…Guess why?????? To iron his clothes…
69. Tonight at 9 Chuck Norris can be seen in the sky… as he is participating in the Asian Games’ high jump event…
70. Once, a photo of Chuck Norris was given for Xerox. Don’t even try to guess what happened…We got two copies of the Xerox machine.
71. Chuck Norris doesn’t pay attention – attention pays him.
72. Sun doesn’t rise until Chuck Norris says “Good Morning”!
73. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
74. Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
75. Chuck Norris made an IPhone 8G for himself.
76. Once upon a time, a wild boar got in Chuck Norris’s way & was pulled up by his nose & thrown 30 miles away. Today its descendants are known as elephants.
77. Chuck Norris stared at the sun for hours, the sun then blink.
78. Chuck Norris once entered a race he came first, second and third.
79. One night while sleeping, Chuck Norris was mumbling some random numbers… That was how the log table was invented.
80. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram joins Chuck Norris today.
81. Chuck Norris knows which came first, the egg or the chicken.
82. Whales live in deep oceans..because they know Chuck Norris lives on land.
83. Chuck Norris can cut diamond with his finger.
84. Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms… there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
85. Chuck Norris doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in USA and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates.
86. Chuck Norris got small pox when he was a kid. As a result small pox is now eradicated.
87. Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris ”.
88. Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than death can process them.
89. Only Chuck Norris can make wind visible.
90. You will lose the game even though you have “3 aces” … if the opponent have “1 Chuck Norris ”
91. Viagra needs Chuck Norris.
92. Chuck Norris cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.
93. Chuck Norris doesn’t need water supply. He can mix hydrogen and oxygen and produce water whenever he wants.
94. Chuck Norris went for morning walk…… In the afternoon police stopped him.. Because he reached USA without visa..!!!
95. Alfred Noble is nominated for CHUCK NORRIS award!
96. Chuck Norris knows the exact value of Pi upto a Google.
97. Chuck Norris laughs at you and your silly jokes about him even before you think them up.
98. Some actor set benchmarks in cinema, Chuck Norris sets deskmarks.
99. Whenever Chuck Norris makes an error, it’s an invention.
100. Ghosts have been debating for ages whether Chuck Norris really exists or not. But they are scared anyway.
101. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. Wink !
102. Chuck Norris can write into a READ ONLY file.
103. Once Chuck Norris was fined by cops for overspeeding at a 75 miles/hr zone… while walking …
104. Chuck Norris can send an SMS from a landline phone.
105. Chuck Norris doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
106. Every morning Chuck Norris goes for spacewalk.
107. When Chuck Norris goes through immigration… the officers show him their passports.
108. Chuck Norris has seen the face of the fat lady who owns the house in Tom n Jerry..
109. Chuck Norris ploughs the field using nothing but his toes.
110. Chuck Norris can whistle and smile at the same time…
111. Computer doesn’t give warning message to Chuck Norris … Chuck Norris warns computer
112. Chuck Norris was born on 30th Feb, since then that date was removed from calendar so that none else gets the same birthday.
113. Chuck Norris can run Windows 10 on 64KB memory.
114. Chuck Norris can make dog say “Meow”!!
115. One of Chuck Norris ’s hobby: Swimming on Tsunami.
116. Lifetime Warranty does not exist only because of Chuck Norris
117. When CHUCK NORRIS had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
118. Chuck Norris doesn’t enjoy animation movies because he can see the gaps between the 24 frames every second
119. Chuck Norris can make 2 parallel lines intersect just by staring at them.
120. Einstein said you can’t move at the speed of light, obviously he was never kicked by Chuck Norris.
121. Chuck Norris is so fast that he always comes yesterday.
122. Chuck Norris can get rid of his shadow.
123. Tornado changes course when it sees Chuck Norris standing in its way.
124. Police dept is bored because of 0 crime in the city where Chuck Norris lives.
125. Chuck Norris participates in long jump once every four year…. And those years are called LEAP year.
126. Once Chuck Norris told joke to a little kid… Now he is known as laughing buddha.
127. Once Chuck Norris used the support of a building to tie his shoe lace, the building is known as ‘Leaning Tower of Pisa.’
128. Chuck Norris knows those two people..who shake hands in NOKIA cell phones…!!
129. Michael Jackson’s moon walk is no match for Chuck Norris’s Sun Walk…
130. Chuck Norris can kill a living room….
131. Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone.
You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? Well, the four dead birds didn’t think so either.
132. Chuck Norris can give missed call to his own number..!
133. God created Earth and Heaven in 6 days , on 7th day he rested then he created Chuck Norris !
134. Name: Chuck Norris
Hobbies: Playing with lion, swimming with tsunami, skating in volcano, catching bullets when someone shoots, running against flying plane, playing with lightening.
The legend of USA…
135. Titanic was remade casting Chuck Norris. However, Chuck Norris has twisted the climax.
Both the lead actors survive. Chuck Norris swims across the ocean with heroine in one hand and..The Titanic in the other.